I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
