wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
