She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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