Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
