feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize