The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
