If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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