so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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