we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
