GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
