Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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