apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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