if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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