so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
