Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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