Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We named our party play list daddy issues
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
