This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
