Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
