ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
