my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
