How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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