finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
