i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's never too late to be topless.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
