you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
