hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
