Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
