ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
