May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
