A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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