My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
