i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do herpes really smell.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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