I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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