Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize