I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
