I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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