my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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