never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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