Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
