I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
