I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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