Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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