yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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