My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
