i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
