i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
