so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
