Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
