I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
