This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
