Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
