I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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