I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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