there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
