I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
