Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
