One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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