i just wanna soil my oats bro
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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