Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
