She said her name was "party"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
