:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
