....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What a dumb baby whore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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