I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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