I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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