I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
