i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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