There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We have started to decorate penises.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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